Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
