I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
