you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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