the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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