The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
