Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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