:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
