The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
