i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
