I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize