did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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