i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
