i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
