im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
