I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
