Pappa wants mamma naked
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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