So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
