I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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