So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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