waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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