i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
