I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
