The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
