giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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