Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i need some magic done to my vagina
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
