Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Randomize
