My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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