just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
