Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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