I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
