I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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