dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
