I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
