New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
