literally had 100 drinks last night.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you win again, gameday.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
