we made out on top of his cat.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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