So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
