Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
