I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize