His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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