Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
