i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
