he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
