made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i believe in u and ur pee
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
