Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
