Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
