Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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