so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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