Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
