fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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