So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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