she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have aggressive nipples.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
