Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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