I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
