just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
