so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
