One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
