So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
