i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
