Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
