i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
