She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
