After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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