Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
