hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
