just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
