have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
