Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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