I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
MIDGETS
????
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
