Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
