It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
