Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
