i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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