I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
