I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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