I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
