Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
