oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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