I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
