I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
