K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
