I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
