I cannot find my penis.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
