think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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