I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
