I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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