dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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