You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
