You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
