Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
