i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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