I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize